Sincerly, Alphonse
by Psycho and Princess
Summary: "Just because I hate fighting, adore kittens, and love my brother, doesn't mean I can't get ticked off as much as Ed, we're brothers after all."
1. Chapter 1

**A.N: **Hey, Princess here! I was recently inspired by the fic _'Edward Elric's note to the Fangirls,' _I remembered in the first chapter how Ed talks about all the crap the fangirls did to Al, and I loved it! So, I thought Al should be heard too! AdventureAddict, I hope you don't mind me using your wonderful idea.

Another thing is, I hope Al isn't to OOC, but if all of these random girls were making you the main object of a hardcore yaoi lemon, you'd have a reason to rant.

Hope you like it!

~Princess

Hi.

As you know, I'm Alphonse Elric. If not, I'm the tin can always following brother.

But, recently I discovered a thingy called Fanfiction .Net.

First of all, please forgive me if I rant-I swear brother's rubbing off on me.

Fanfiction is -scary.

Yes, scary.

Just because I said that doesn't mean you can go write a fanfiction of me being scared, or go off fangirling: "Aw! Cute! Little Awu's scawed!"

Please -don't.

Sometimes you guys can be incredible. Really, you guys can be wonderful writers. Other times...weird things happen.

I have gotten my body back, died, had a disabled kitten named Wobbles, gotten drunk, married Winry, almost drowned, made crab puffs, sang 'can't touch this,' created my brother, killed him (really you guys?), met the Power Puff Girls, said the 'f' words, died again, been a girl, had a crush on Gracia, ate millions of apple pies, and forgot how to use a fork.

And you say you love me?

It's this last thing though that scares me the most- I've gotten my body back, turned into a homunculus, abandoned my brother, came back, lost my body saving Riza, was armor again, got my body back-again, got my hand blown off by Scar, gotten automail, turned into a chimera, saved a small child from a burning building, Ed kicked me in the side and said he hated me, had an angsty flashback, Ed loved me again, I killed Ed because I was still half homunculus, I angsted some more, the military captured me, Ed somehow lived, then I was executed.

That was all in one fanfiction.

**ONE!**

My life kinda sucks already, and then you go and do that?

I know brother's got it way worse with you girls, but what did I ever do to you?

Another thing is you can't decide what I look like! I've had blue, green, gray, gold, hazel, and brown eyes. Make up your minds! My hair is usually gold, brunette, brown, or blond- I might as well be Envy with my chameleon powers!

That's not the worst of it.

One word.

Yaoi.

I'll be polite, so excuse me while I puke.

Brother and I are on a quest to get back what we've lost, not to hit on Mustang, or Havoc, or Envy, or Hughes, or Armstrong -or each other. That's just wrong.

Have you even paid any attention to the series at all!

Either way, we are not gay!

Why does the thought of that make you happy?

I do not have a crush on my brother! I love him to death and would die for him yes, but not in that way!

The only time I've ever had a crush on anyone was when I was five! And that was Winry!

Oh yeah, Alwin.

This pairing is so overused; I personally think Ed should end up with her. (It would save me brain damage, thank you very much.)

Also, whenever you guys pair me with a girl (thank God), I'm usually OOC. I'm not saying I like yaoi either, that's gross, but I always end up being different.

If you didn't see me hitting on these girls in the anime, why would I instantly want to make out with them now?

Last time I checked, I'm not in love with Riza. Yes, I think she's nice, but no. Sometimes I find myself blushing at Winry, but does that mean I want to pull a lemon?

Heck **NO!**

Mei Chang, in my opinion, is cute for a girl, but doses me saying that instantly pull up a sex scene for you? Gross.

Another thing is angst fics.

I'm in about a million,

I'm your average teenage boy with a dark past stuck in a dark, hollow suit of armor. Yes, it's sad, but that doesn't mean I cry about it twenty-four seven.

Of course I hate sleeping, flinch if my blood seal is toyed with, pretend to eat, and sometimes just want to scream forever -which is actually possible in my current state. But Fullmetal Alchemist is about moving forward and living your life, not sitting around weeping.

Life can be pretty dark inside an inanimate object, but that doesn't mean I'm not thankful for it at times.

Per say -the Scar incident.

If I weren't a suit of a suit of armor during that time, my guts would have been spilled all over the street.

I've dodged a countless amount of bullets and knives, and have saved Ed's life more times than can be counted. So I ought to be thankful.

My brother sacrificed his friken arm for me, I'm eternally grateful.

But anyway, just because I hate fighting, adore kittens, and love my brother, doesn't mean I can't get pissed off as much as Ed, we're related after all.

Sincerely, Alphonse.


	2. Chapter 2

**A.N: Story wide disclaimer: Princess does not own universal rights to Fullmetal Alchemist, no matter how much she thinks she does. Thanks a ton for the review Griselda! Princess is going to flip out when I tell her your review, I'll have her reply to it as soon as she reads it.**

**~Psycho**

* * *

><p>Hey, It's Al!<p>

I was just wondering... Since when was I buddies with Edward Cullen?

My point-Twilight crossovers.

The only Edward I've ever known (like, interacted with), is brother.

B'cuz ya, I liek lurv hangin with my vampire skillets.

What?

I'd rather pet a kitten thank you very much.

Again, I don't mean to be rude when I rant, and if I offend anyone, I'm terribly sorry.

In my opinion, I think Cullen doesn't deserve my brother's name. Brother has been to hell and back and he's still headstrong. Of course he breaks from time to time, but who wouldn't if they had been though what he had? Brother is strong, and always puts other peoples' lives before his, and I think that fits his description-rich protector, riches meaning the ones he cares about.

Edward Cullen on the other had is a depressed, emo, leech!

(again, I'm sorry for my behavior)

He goes around acting emo, sparkling, and being a pedophile by going after teenage girls.

He has no reason to be depressed!

Aww, I'm immortal, I'm good looking, I'm supper strong. I'm supper fast, I smell nice, I sparkle- better cry about it!

But I dunno, sometimes I feel a little lost myself. AKA: the Barry the Chopper incident.

I'm still beating myself up over that.

I'm so friken naive!

But, that makes me human! HA!

Yeah, I may be seven feet tall, have spiky shoulders, and made completely out of metal, don't forget I'm still a fourteen-year-old boy. My voice cracks, I think flames look cool, I often find myself staring at girls for longer than I need to, I love animals and playing pranks on Ed, whine at stuff, think about things _way_ too much, and I can be nervous at times.

I'm not perfect, that's why I'm still wondering why you girls love me so much.

When I first woke up in this body, everything felt out of whack -like someone told you to run a mile after sleeping for thirteen hours.

Heavy.

It was weird to be ten times my size in a matter of minutes.

The spikes on my shoulders kept catching me off guard, my feet were unstable, and it was hard to walk sometimes, but most of all-

Numbness.

I felt this all at once, but then again I couldn't feel anything at all. The world is so different from the eyes of a trash can.

But then I learned to breathe,

Even if I had no lungs.

~Sincerely, Alphonse.

**A.N **When he says learning to breathe, he means learning to adjust.

Please review, and tell us what you want Alphonse to rant about next; Psycho and I are running out of ideas!

~Princess

Sincerely, Alphonse.


End file.
